Treading water

Wow it's been over a month since I wrote all excited about having a surgery date and full of plans to pull myself into line before I start my pre-op diet. Needless to say, I've been quiet and we all know that means I haven't met those goals and continue to struggle with food despite having surgery in just over 6 weeks.

I'm starting shake breakfasts this week, they are easy, fulfilling and quick for the morning, then in 2 weeks I will start the 3 shakes a day deal with 2 pieces of fruit and 2 cups green vegetables. I've confirmed with the nurse, it's no coffee, black tea but I can have some 1% milk in it if I really have to and can drink all no sugar/no calorie drinks which means I can drink coke zero, so while I can't start my day with a skinny latte I can still have a can of coke zero at lunch. Phew.

I went and had a check up with their doctor, an endocrinologist  who went through all my blood work thoroughly and poked and prodded me a bit, pronouncing me perfectly ready for surgery and despite the fact that I am horribly overweight, my insides are all functioning very well and I'm quite healthy all things considered. It was also nice to chat to a doctor with a nice bedside manner who checked if I had any questions, appreciated my anxieties about the surgery and reassured me. A little bit of understanding goes a long way.

So that is where I'm at now. I've been thinking a lot about the next few months, or the next year really and how things are going to change for me, my whole life will be different and I have made some promises to myself.

My promises to me for next Summer:

• I'll be able to move around, do my job and generally exist without sweating dripping from my brow and trickling down the back of my neck
• My feet and ankles won't uncomfortably swell up like balloons due to the heat (I hope)
• Walking up a flight of stairs wont leave me breathless
• A much large proportion of my wardrobe will fit me!
• I will be able to fit my not nearly so fat foot into some lovely sandals I bought that look ridiculous right now
• I will be able to wear make up and do my hair without it just being ruined by perspiration every single day.
• Painting toenails wont be reliant on contortionist moves so I'll be bothered to take care of my feet
• I'll be able to jump on a plane/go to the cinema again without worrying about chair size or more accurately the width of my arse
• Food wont be something that has power over me, I'll simply eat to live not live to eat
• Exercise will be so much easier and more enjoyable, I may even enjoy going for a walk or two

That's the tip of the iceberg but they are the things that stick out for me.

I really don't have much to say, I'm simply treading water now, just waiting to get into the operating theatre really. Can't wait for life to just be different, I'm not loving me right now...actually that's not right, I'm not loving my body or the way I feel right now. Give it a couple of months and I imagine I'll feel differently :-)