I have to accept I am a tourist!

I hate tourists, I hate being a tourist, being one of these idiots taking cheesy photos of cliched objects and views. After a few drinks on Christmas day I proudly (though untruthfully) boasted, I'm a traveller, not a tourist, bahahaha what a self-deluding fib. I have been traipsing around taking pictures of all the beautiful and interesting things I'm seeing in San Francisco, I'm sitting in a Starbucks drinking a really average non-fat latte. I'm sure I asked for a low fat small latte, but it's caffeine and I've been awake for ages. My main reason for Starbucks was the wifi while I'm waiting for the next tour bus to go round the park and haight ashbury. I love the liberty of doing whatever I want it's truly fantastic, but I wonder how I am going to land when I get home, things are going to be different, my eyes are open and I've seen who I could be. I know I had dreams about staying here before I left but I do believe that was just my flight or fight instinct taking over but this time my flight instinct is taking on a geographical nature as opposed to an emotional escape using food. This trip is making me realise that, yes I am feeling stagnant in Melbourne but I don't think I want to be anywhere else, especially in this financial climate. My emotions have been stirred up and I've come to a point where I'm liking myself a whole lot more and while there is a man out there that loves me and wants me he can't commit to what I want. I'll be frank I don't like talking about men on here too much but I get frustrated with most Australian men I meet, I generally am interested in those men who have a European background. I've met and chatted to a few men over here and have generally found them to be interesting, charming and good to talk to. My bottom line here is I'm ready for a partner, I'm ready to accept someone into my life and let them love me and at times I get pretty down about not having this in my life and feel like everyone I know is a member of a secret private club I'm not allowed into because I don't have a partner. I also wonder if my parents could see that someone loves me and wants me for exactly who I am they would be less pushy in my need to change (ie lose weight) and would let me live my own life. I know I need to give it time, there is someone out there for me, someone will love me, want me, and be there for me, Im telling the universe I'm ready for this, hopefully she will provide. Ok I didn't mean for this post to head this way but there it is, from touristy blathering to lack of romance dribbling all in half an hour. Well I'm off to wander around union square before my next bus.